This is a translation
of my short Japanese lecture into English which I gave at the White Dove Public
Lecture on May 20, 2012:
There
was a question on the flyer introducing that day’s lecture event. “What is
bonding with another? How is this achieved?” The origin of the word Kizuna comes from tying a leash to a dog
or horse and from there it became to mean the loving bond between people.
Even
if there is a lonely person without a family, that person is still bonded with
animals, plants and nature. This bonding is important and in Seicho-No-Ie, we are taught
many ways to keep this loving bond.
For
example, in order to create a loving family what things need to be done? In the
Truth of Life volumes there
are many things written regarding this topic:
・
Use loving words in the home. There is no such
thing as using too many loving words. (Vol. 7)
・
Even when you are alone with your spouse, always
think that you have a guest called “God.” (Vol. 12)
・
Don’t measure life by a ruler. It will bend,
shrink, and become small. (Vol. 14)
・
At the very least when we are with family, let’s
make it a living paradise. That is to have laughter. (Vol. 15)
・
It is very important to know how to take care of
your spouse. To be able to relax at home is happiness beyond words. It is because
you cannot relax in the work environment.
・
If you have a bad relationship with your spouse,
it means that loving words of praise is mutually lacking. You both must give
abundant words of praise. (Vol. 25)
・
The origin of the word for husband and wife in
Japanese derives from the meaning “complete bonding.” (Vol. 29)
・
Abandon the words, “I am the only one supporting
the family.” (Vol. 29)
・
The secret to bring happiness to the family is
by your facial expression alone. (Vol. 29)
・
Marriage is living life. It is not a romance.
(Vol. 29)
There are many many more, however, in the end, in
order to have a loving bond within your family, it is necessary to do the above
written things. Everyone, do you laugh with your family? If your family does
not laugh much together then immediately increase the laughter in your home.
Some time ago, I used to tell jokes to my family. And if everyone laughed, it
made me happy. Because of the happiness I felt, I would try to find new jokes
that I could share with my family.
To praise one another is not only for husbands and
wives but also important for children. When a parent sees a bad or negative
point of the child, the parent wants to point that out. However, before doing
so you must find several good or positive points to address first.
Even between husband and wife, if one wants to
caution the other, you must praise the person twice over before addressing the
negative. This is the bases of a loving
and peace filled family. The facial expression of the husband and wife will
influence one another, and the facial expression of the parent will influence
the children. This is not only for children but your pets also will be
influenced in the same manner. Facial expressions are important. Facial
expressions are not spoken words; however it is one important method of
communication.
When my children were young and upon my return home,
they would come running to greet me with a hug. As you can imagine, this made
me very happy. These days, they say in a loud voice, Okaerinasai or welcome home without leaving their rooms. I’m still
glad that they say something to me. I can understand why everyone would want to
have a dog. A dog always comes running to greet its master when he arrives
home, wagging its tail, showing how happy he is.
You must take care of these small things, if not,
you will not create a happy, loving family. I’d like to read you a quote about
Marriage not being a romance:
“During the honeymoon period of marriage, one is drunken with happiness,
however, in time you will become sober and realize that marriage is not a
honeymoon. You settle into the reality of marriage and find that it is ordinary
and not poetic any longer. You now must find the joy of marriage in your ordinary
life. You must work on expressing your love every day in a quiet ordinary way.”
(Truth of Life Vol. 29, page 72)
This
is the same for anyone who has a job. Our daily work day is not filled with
adventure, happiness, new excitement or romance. Our daily job consists of
simple tasks done over and over again. If you want to find happiness and
bonding in the workplace, you must do the same as with your family, then your
workplace will change. Already all of you have bonded with another. You have
bonding relationships with your family, with your co-workers, and even your
pets, animals as well as with mother nature. You already have wonderful bonds.
In order to make your relationships filled with love and happiness, please
practice the several points from the Seicho-No-Ie teachings explained today.
Thank you very much.
