Monday, October 8, 2012
This is a translation of my short Japanese lecture into English which I gave at the White Dove Public Lecture on May 20, 2012:
There was a question on the flyer introducing that day’s lecture event. “What is bonding with another? How is this achieved?” The origin of the word Kizuna comes from tying a leash to a dog or horse and from there it became to mean the loving bond between people.
Even if there is a lonely person without a family, that person is still bonded with animals, plants and nature. This bonding is important and in Seicho-No-Ie, we are taught many ways to keep this loving bond.
For example, in order to create a loving family what things need to be done? In the Truth of Life volumes there are many things written regarding this topic:
・ Use loving words in the home. There is no such thing as using too many loving words. (Vol. 7)
・ Even when you are alone with your spouse, always think that you have a guest called “God.” (Vol. 12)
・ Don’t measure life by a ruler. It will bend, shrink, and become small. (Vol. 14)
・ At the very least when we are with family, let’s make it a living paradise. That is to have laughter. (Vol. 15)
・ It is very important to know how to take care of your spouse. To be able to relax at home is happiness beyond words. It is because you cannot relax in the work environment.
・ If you have a bad relationship with your spouse, it means that loving words of praise is mutually lacking. You both must give abundant words of praise. (Vol. 25)
・ The origin of the word for husband and wife in Japanese derives from the meaning “complete bonding.” (Vol. 29)
・ Abandon the words, “I am the only one supporting the family.” (Vol. 29)
・ The secret to bring happiness to the family is by your facial expression alone. (Vol. 29)
・ Marriage is living life. It is not a romance. (Vol. 29)
There are many many more, however, in the end, in order to have a loving bond within your family, it is necessary to do the above written things. Everyone, do you laugh with your family? If your family does not laugh much together then immediately increase the laughter in your home. Some time ago, I used to tell jokes to my family. And if everyone laughed, it made me happy. Because of the happiness I felt, I would try to find new jokes that I could share with my family.
To praise one another is not only for husbands and wives but also important for children. When a parent sees a bad or negative point of the child, the parent wants to point that out. However, before doing so you must find several good or positive points to address first.
Even between husband and wife, if one wants to caution the other, you must praise the person twice over before addressing the negative. This is the bases of a loving and peace filled family. The facial expression of the husband and wife will influence one another, and the facial expression of the parent will influence the children. This is not only for children but your pets also will be influenced in the same manner. Facial expressions are important. Facial expressions are not spoken words; however it is one important method of communication.
When my children were young and upon my return home, they would come running to greet me with a hug. As you can imagine, this made me very happy. These days, they say in a loud voice, Okaerinasai or welcome home without leaving their rooms. I’m still glad that they say something to me. I can understand why everyone would want to have a dog. A dog always comes running to greet its master when he arrives home, wagging its tail, showing how happy he is.
You must take care of these small things, if not, you will not create a happy, loving family. I’d like to read you a quote about Marriage not being a romance:
“During the honeymoon period of marriage, one is drunken with happiness, however, in time you will become sober and realize that marriage is not a honeymoon. You settle into the reality of marriage and find that it is ordinary and not poetic any longer. You now must find the joy of marriage in your ordinary life. You must work on expressing your love every day in a quiet ordinary way.” (Truth of Life Vol. 29, page 72)
This is the same for anyone who has a job. Our daily work day is not filled with adventure, happiness, new excitement or romance. Our daily job consists of simple tasks done over and over again. If you want to find happiness and bonding in the workplace, you must do the same as with your family, then your workplace will change. Already all of you have bonded with another. You have bonding relationships with your family, with your co-workers, and even your pets, animals as well as with mother nature. You already have wonderful bonds. In order to make your relationships filled with love and happiness, please practice the several points from the Seicho-No-Ie teachings explained today. Thank you very much.